I have a friend who wasn’t acting herself. She was extra quiet, almost “soft”, if I may. She was acting mushier toward her children, more sentimental, almost. I didn’t approach her in public, as she is a pretty private person. However, once I got home, I saw she was online, and I reached out. Our conversation (not verbatim) was as follows:
Me: Hey, friend! How are you?
Her: My heart is so sad, and I just want to make sure that my kids are not being affected
by what I am feeling.
Me: Why are you so sad? If you don’t want to share, I understand.
Her: My mom is suffering. I don’t want to lose hope and I believe in the treatment she is
receiving and that with recovery time she will be better. But it is so sad and hard
knowing your loved one – your MOM – is sick for months, unable to eat or sleep and
you are not there to help. Wouldn’t anyone feel bad if their family member was
diagnosed with cancer and not able to eat for days?
My heart dropped out of my chest. I didn’t even know her mom was diagnosed with cancer. I don’t even know what type, when, etc. But it doesn’t really matter, does it? It just matters that she is worried.
Me: I wouldn’t know how I would feel, but I sympathize with you. I couldn’t be far away
from my mom if she was suffering. I would have to be there. But it would be hard to
leave my own family. It is a difficult situation, truly. I support you entirely.
I told her to let me know if there was anything I could do, to please just reach out. Our conversation then moved to her asking me to make sure that her kids are happy and to let me know if there is anything going on with them, in case I see anything she doesn’t see. I told her that of course I would, as she did the same thing for me when I was diagnosed. I would be honored. We are all a part of the village.
Who we surround ourselves during these trying times is really important. It’s important for our kids (still young -elementary age) to have adults in their lives who know enough of what’s going on to watch for behaviors that signal distress. It’s important for us – as mothers and friends – to lean on each other, and not be afraid to ask for help. As a friend who is asked for help, I would NEVER feel like someone needed to pay me back for that help I offered in the future.
ASK. FOR. HELP.
Even if it’s something simple like being able to pick up toilet paper or paper towels from the store next time I go. It's not a big deal, I promise.
Even if it’s walking your kiddo home so our boys could continue their never-ending conversation about Minecraft together. I promise, it's no big deal.
Even if it’s just listening to you talk about your fears for a few minutes in between a quick shower and making lunch. It’s what friends are for.
Friends will carry you through.
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