It has been the normal schedule of recovery- walking slowly, drinking water, taking meds on time. Emails saying MyChart has a new appointment, message, test result. Each time, my heart skips a beat, wondering, waiting if it is the test results, the message, that I have been waiting to hear for ten months, has arrived.
Then there it was. My parents had just left to pick my kids up from school. And there in my inbox, after the usual 'ding', was an automated email from MyChart.
You have a test result available in MyChart.
What? I had already gotten the glucose panel, the hemoglobin and whatever the heck else they test for post surgery.
I sat down to log on. From my phone. What a pain in the ass. But I had done it a hundred times before.
Surgery pathology report. There it was. Already?!
Breathe. Read. Breathe. Read. Breathe. Read.
Reread because my brain could comprehend nothing.
Again.
Again.
"Benign breast tissue consistent with central duct region origin."
"No in situ or invasive carcinoma identified."
That was a screenshot of a video I made for two friends as I was processing (who are we kidding, I am still processing and will be for quite some time). This is actually my happy face. My relieved face? My holy-fucking-shit-is-this-actually-the-end-of-this-journey face? There are no words for what I feel. I wish I could say relief? Yes, relief. I am ready to move forward. I am ready to celebrate.
And get this: the message that appeared above my test results said this: "Finally a completely benign pathology report. Its time to party!!!"-Doctor"
I have felt so many things throughout this journey. I cant even summarize all the feelings. But I have never felt like my doctors did not have my back. That they weren't standing right next to me, ready to catch me if I fell over. If I stumbled, tripped. And I feel like we metaphorically did all of that. To have a surgeon who has been alongside me, respecting me, and swearing with me, and celebrating with me the whole way......is a blessing? I don't believe in luck or blessings.
But I believe in strength and gratitude. And I have both. And so does my surgeon. Both of my surgeons, actually. And I have so much respect for them and appreciation for the respect they have shown me. Every step of this journey.
And no, friends, this journey is not over. Because now we celebrate!
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