I was chatting with a friend the other day about some of the things her family did for fun in “the before times…” and I immediately assumed she meant in the times before Covid-19, as that is the most recent crisis we have dealt with as a society. I had a colleague ask me the other day how I was doing and I had to ask her if she was asking about post-Cancer life or how we were all surviving the pandemic. She laughed and said, “well I am asking about your cancer and if you have anything else going on.” She asked about my implants and if they were causing me any trouble. She has a friend who has had hers move around and are quite uncomfortable. I’ve heard many of these stories and met a handful of women who have had issues. I’ve met more women who do not have issues with implants. This intensely personal decision comes with no guarantees. It got me thinking back to all the times that have come before…all the before times we’ve lived through.
BC traditionally stands for “Before Christ” but there are so many other times in my life that I have used “BC.” The first one was when I had children.
“Before Children” I could stay out late and not worry about the amount of sleep I got. I didn’t have to worry about getting up in the middle of the night for feedings or that right before dawn wake up. Before children I didn’t have to clean the car as much. Children create so many crumbs (and those crumbs get into every crevice of the car). Before children I had to worry about which purse or bag to carry. Actually, in a way Before Children was harder because after children I just grabbed the diaper bag, right? And Before Children I never had to worry about the milk leaking through my shirts from breastfeeding. I never had to worry about where I could easily mix up the formula so my baby could eat. Before Children I would’ve been grossed out by spit up. (Little did I know that wasn’t the grossest thing that would ever come out of a kid.) Before Children I would never have considered a car with a third row. Before Children, shoes mattered more. Before Children I could remember things. I had many years to think about how things changed from Before Children and then a new era of “BC” began and I started defining things by Cancer. Before Cancer, I didn’t ever really think about it. I took for granted my good health rather than relishing in it. Before Cancer I had big breasts, that honestly, annoyed me more than anything else. Before Cancer I was only slightly aware that it could affect me or a member of my family. Before Cancer I considered life to be pretty care-free. I think I took most things for granted; I took my health for granted for sure, but I also wasn’t thankful enough for the things I had everyday. I wasn’t thankful for my ability to load a dishwasher or put laundry on shelves. I wasn’t aware that I could lose those large breasts within a year. The third BC turns out is “Before Covid,” and honestly, I can barely remember what “normal life” was Before Covid. I can’t remember feeling safe in a crowd of sneezing kids in a lunchroom. I can’t remember feeling safe sitting in a theater. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have a mask in my pocket just in case. I don’t remember a time when I don’t wash my hands a thousand times a day. I can’t remember a time when we didn’t have stockpiles of rapid tests to use when someone sneezes. But of course there was a time when those things didn’t even exist, and honestly it wasn’t that long ago. I can barely remember the before times….I said that when I had children and nd I said that when I had Cancer. And it turns out that all these eras- all these BCs- will come to an end. We will move through these eras, hopefully with grace and strength, onto the next era of our lives.
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