I would be lying if I said I was not a bit annoyed at watching friends and family travel to fun places, like a normal time, not during a pandemic. Even if they are being safer than they would be, even if their sense are heightened and they pay more attention to sanitizing. Because I am home, doing nothing in my four walls and yard. And it is during these times when I think to myself, You are lucky to be alive. You survived cancer.
And I think about how I could go out and do all the normal things and wear a mask and wash my hands more and I would likely be fine. Because I am not immunocompromised. I never had radiation or chemotherapy (though many of my friends and acquaintances assume I did because I had breast cancer). I merely had the cancer cut out and was lucky enough to have that be the end.
But so many people who have cancer (most) have had radiation or chemotherapy and are at a higher risk during this pandemic. What about them? I have survivor's guilt on top of guilt of not being a high risk. Its not debilitating but it makes me think about all those people who are locked in more than I am, and it gives me pause.
It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. During a pandemic. There are so many women who are getting treatment and getting mammograms. I for one, am thankful today that I am done with those things, but I am taking the time away from remote learning with my kids and attempting to keep a disheveled house still standing to think about those people who are struggling more than I am today with cancer.
I gave to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center today. Cancer is never far away from my thoughts. And while I sit here in my house watching numbers in coronavirus infections rise, I can be thankful that maybe my donation will help save a life or provide a service to someone. If I do not do one small thing, I will feel helpless.
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