I find myself staring at a blank screen.
Ten minutes later, it's still blank.
And ten minutes after that, still blank.
It's not because I don't have anything to say. That is rarely a problem for me, just ask my friends. It is that it seems like all I have to say is negative. Tired of this pandemic. Tired of reading the news. Tired of the rain (I actually wish there was snow so I could have a change of scenery out my window). Tired of trying to be thankful when I just want to collapse. Tired of kids fighting. Tired of being tired.
But then my phone flashes with a message from one of my best friends, who lives far too far away from me. She said that she was finally able to have her follow up mammogram.
Here's the backstory: Her family has a history of all types of cancer. She had been waiting for years to have a breast cancer screening come back positive. She had mammograms every six months for as long as I have known her. Finally, last year, she was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer. She decided to have a lumpectomy and radiation. She said besides being tired, she was handling the treatment very well. She actually kept her cancer close to her heart (so to speak) and did not tell many people. It broke my heart to not be with her so I could at least drive her places.
Her text to me said: "I have my first mammogram and screening since surgery (they were closed when covid got bad and they are catching up). I had to wait in the office for the results - everything came back clean. I was super nervous. I didn't know they were going to make me wait for the results. That's so much better than waiting for the letter in the mail."
While truer words have never been typed. I honestly cannot believe people still wait for letters. But, at the same time, I can. Some people, I realized, do not have the experience I had with a first mammogram revealing cancer at age 40. Some women don't think twice about a letter or waiting. Some women are used to their "dense breast tissue" mammogram images. Others will never get used to the "see you in 6 months" when they leave the imaging center.
Our chat turned into talk of daily life like snow shoveling and what we were going to do on the weekend. Its like we just moved on.
I miss her so much.
Anyway, it made me feel like there was a reason to think that we will all be ok. Those of us going through this (or have loved ones who are going through this, or those of us who have gone through it). We move through.
All is new. It is only a matter of time.
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