October 4th is a day, like most other days. Sometimes it’s a Monday, sometimes it’s a Thursday. It’s the day people are born. It is the day people have died. It just so happens to be a friend’s birthday. She is no longer with us in person, however, as she died in 2012 of cancer. She was 34. She had two beautiful children.
And that leaves me full of sadness when I think about all the things she is missing. But at the same exact time as I feel that loss, I remember the joy she had in her life. She was always (ALWAYS) surrounded by a loving, supportive, and big family. And she has a group of friends so close they were more like sisters. In fact, they still meet every year on her birthday and celebrate life. Because that is how she would have wanted it.
Rachel and I met in college. She was the editor – a one woman show- of the school yearbook. I wanted to join her. Turns out we became a Two Women Show quickly. We adapted to each other’s work ethic. We both had strong opinions. We were not shy. We both got it done. We turned the yearbook from an operation that struggled to make ends meet to one that delivered a book before graduation and turned a profit. But we were more than just co-workers. We were friends. Late nights meeting deadlines, trudging to all the events around campus together to get photos, and artfully designing pages for the yearbook gave us a common ground to start a solid friendship. We talked about family, dates, friends. We talked about fears and dreams. I remember being so happy getting to travel to a state I had never been to for her wedding. She opened so many doors for me, just by being herself. She truly found joy in the smallest things, and it made her life fuller.
When she knew she was dying, she started reaching out to people she had lost touch with over the years. We started chatting, but I didn’t know she was that sick, I didn’t know she was losing her battle with cancer. I knew she was fighting hard, but she never showed how much she was really hurting. She was one of the strongest people I know.
And I hate that she can’t be here – it would be so interesting to hear her views on politics, this pandemic, and to watch her fully embrace her kids growing up and her family and friends around her.
But I always circle back to the joy she spread. And this is what we all need more of. I need to make this a personal assignment of my own. I need to find more joy.
And then the universe enters again.
A friend of a good friend is going through a terrible diagnosis right now: stage 4 sarcoma. Out of nowhere. Only symptom was shortness of breath. And with that, his journey is changed forever. Quickly. He has a supportive wife and two young kids. And none of it is fair. And all of it is scary. He may have months to live. Months.
My good friend is wrecked. She is going to watch this family be torn apart by cancer. It will be such a huge loss. There will be so many tears. So much grief. I told my friend to please let me know if there is anything I can do. I am going to witness it through her and be able to do nothing. Honestly, there’s nothing. And that is one of the worst feelings in life – helplessness. And I hate it.
Cancer is everywhere. It seems to come out of nowhere. It affects so many.
But so does joy. Joy affects so many. We need to find it and spread it. And on the days we cannot find JOY and spread JOY, maybe we just find comfort and spread comfort. Because sometime the universe overwhelms us with hurt and pain and comfort is the only thing we can find.
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This post has been a hard one to write. I rewrote it a few times before I gave up and just hit “post” because the emotions are still raw. Even though my friend left physical earth 9 years ago (oh my gosh, even that number brings tears to my eyes), she is still teaching me to find joy. My chest is heavy and light with that knowledge and I wish I could have spoken to her about my own diagnosis. But she is here and she is still helping me find the joy and the comfort.
For those of you who want to read more about my friend's journey, here is the last blog she wrote: celebrateeverything1 | Welcome to my life! (wordpress.com)
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