As I get older, more and more people die, which makes sense, since we are all getting older. But cancer has spotted the losses in my life for as long as I can remember.
My grandmother died of cancer (stomach and tongue) from smoking her whole life. I was in high school, and my parents hid their sorrow and discomfort quite well. We were close, but as she got sicker, I don’t remember spending any extra time with her. I don’t even remember blaming cancer when she died. Honestly, I don’t remember much.
A friend from graduate school who had, at 34, undergone radiation for breast cancer. I remember being shocked that she was still alive, because I thought you just died from cancer. At that point, I realize how little I actually understood about the complexities of cancer.
A friend from college lost her mother to cancer just after she was introduced to her grandchildren.
A friend from college who lost her mother to cancer before she had kids herself.
My favorite middle school science teacher died of cancer. By then, I had children of my own. But I thought back to all those science lessons, study sessions and carpools (see, this teacher was actually the father of my very first crush, possibly my first love).
Is there anyone out there who hasn’t been touched by cancer? I believe the answer is no. I hate that so much. Some people have been saddened by cancer. Some people have been ravaged by cancer. Whenever I hear of a new diagnosis, I actually say out loud: F#ck Cancer. I am usually angry for at least a day.
It makes me want to give up, throw in the towel. But it also makes me want to throw money at science to cure cancer. It makes me angry at our educational system that doesn’t see SCIENCE and CRITICAL THINKING as curriculum to prioritize in the classroom. (THAT, my friends, is a whole other rant).
It feels helpless. I can’t fix it. Who can fix it?! Someone fix it!
That’s not helpful. I understand that its out of my hands, and sometimes, as many of us do in times of stress, I reach for the sweets, the salty and the crunchy treats. I realize the bad times won’t last forever. On the flip side, the good times wont last forever either. Sometimes you just have to eat the ice cream. This life journey that we are all on together is about the ups and the downs. Its about reshuffling perspective throughout the journey. Its about finding something good to hold onto while you are going through something bad.
And for me, today, holding on to the good is all I can do.
Comments