On December 6th I started to feel some different things happening with my left implant. I was sore, it was less hard in some areas and it seemed to be crinkling in different areas. It seemed like it was losing its roundness.
I panicked internally for about two days, with it bothering me every second I was awake. My shirts and under garments did not make it feel right. It had a spot on the lower side that was rubbing it raw. If I pushed hard on it, it did not hurt at all, but if I gently rubbed my finger over the skin, it felt like it was on fire.
There was no redness. No lumps. No acute pain. THOSE were the symptoms my doc gave me to seek medical attention immediately.
So I finally asked my husband to look at it. He obliged. He said it looked exactly the same as it always has.
Two days later, he could tell it was still bothering me. So I said, "Can you squeeze this?"
He obliged, rolling his eyes and reaching his hand out to squeeze. He shifted his eyes upward so as not to alter his perception by looking at it. We must remain scientific, after all. He said it felt the same as it always had with perhaps a bit of a change in where the crinkly part is (he was talking about the give in shell of the implant where you can push down and its not entirely full - this is normal). It appeared that it shifted to another part of the breast.
By this time I had googled everything and anything that could have happened to a saline breast implant a year after surgery. Public Service Announcement: don't do that.
I was feeling the nub of the implant where they would fill it up and plug it. Yes, I know this is not a scientific definition, but I think I would just call it a plug. It was more pronounced than it had been before. I kept poking at it. Which of course, made it sore.
Capsular contraction was another thing that came up in my internet search. This is where scar tissue forms around the implant creating a tissue capsule. The body forms a protective capsule around it because it recognizes it as foreign. Signs of capsular contracture, such as increasing firmness or tightness in the breast, can start to appear as early as a few months after your implant reconstruction surgery or years later. Basically it will look like your breast has climbed up your chest and your skin feels really tight.
I really didn't have any of those symptoms so I went off searching for more answers. I discovered the possibility of a leak. Signs of a leak in a saline silicone implant are usually a rapid deflation, which means it is very, very obvious. Its unlikely that this happens, especially within the first year. I was not deflated at all. Just a bit less full. So then I came upon the idea of a slow leak, which could be from the plug. This is even more unlikely, but is due to defects in implant itself. It is rare to have this happen. And the leak is very slow - taking months, even!
That's it!!! It had to be! Once again, after this whole journey I was convinced that I had a slow leak, even though the odds were really, really small. So I asked my husband to squeeze my boob every day. He obliged.
I waited until after Christmas to email my reconstruction surgeon. I got a reply from her super awesome nurse. She explained that the rippling is likely from my weight loss, as I do not have much tissue covering the implants, so a decrease in weight would make ripples more obvious. The aches are likely from working out too much on my new bike, or holding my arms and shoulders differently due to being afraid of the pains. She could refer me to a physical therapist but there was no immediate concern she had at all.
It was a huge relief. I felt better. But I also felt unsatisfied. I wanted a real scientific answer. And I forgot that through this whole journey, while there have been a lot of scientific answers to my questions, there have also been a lot of more ephemeral answers, like your boobs feel different because you lost weight.
It is a gentle reminder that this is all a process. And that I should give myself grace in moving through all of it.
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