FIVE
Five years cancer free. Today. It went uncelebrated by everyone but me. The date December 12 is not etched in anyone’s mind but mine. I...
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October Rolls Around Again
October 1 is National Hair Day October 2 is National Custodial Workers' Day First Tuesday in October is National Taco Tuesday October 3...
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Familiar and Sacred Ground
After Memorial Day, I had an extremely sore nipple. I thought maybe it was because I had just done some “astronaut training” at Family...
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Prepping...
I knew it was coming. I just turned 45 years old. I had been putting off contacting my doctor, knowing what her answer would be. I just...
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The traditional 5-year anniversary gift is …..wood
5 years ago, today, I fell to my knees and stopped living. Just for a second. Everything got dark. I closed my eyes to just BE in the...
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The Anniversary that Slipped by……..
December 12 would have been the day I heard I was cancer free four years ago. It was a day filled with mundane things like carpooling,...
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Fractured by Trauma
As a substitute teacher, I just finished up some training about trauma informed teaching. It asked you to reflect on experiences you’ve...
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Breast Cancer Awareness Month
In October 1985, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month was started by the American Cancer Society and Imperial Chemical Industries...
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Thrown in My Face
Most days seem normal. I set my alarm for 5:10am and, if I don’t snooze it, I get up to ride my bike. Then, its making lunches, getting...
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Striving for Mediocrity
It’s that time of year when teachers are on edge with state assessments being scheduled, grades being due, retirement and end of school...
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My toxic relationship with peanut M&Ms
They come in a brightly colored bag. They come in a family pack. They come in a party pack. They are easy to reach for. They are crunchy...
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Why I Wrote A Book
I wrote a book because I wanted to let people know they weren’t alone. When I received my diagnosis of DCIS (stage 0 breast cancer), I...
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An Anniversary of Sorts – One I’d Like to Forget
It’s been 3 years, but I still feel cheated. I feel like my celebration was ruined. 3 years ago, the first person in the United States...
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Pouring from an empty cup
I am a mom (though sometimes I fail). I am a writer (though lately it seems like just emails). I am a substitute teacher (though not very...
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"It was the cancer, huh?"
I recently got back from a two-night overnight glamping and nature education field trip with my daughter’s school. The trip had been...
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Three Years Later...
In March of 2019 I was diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. DCIS, also known as Stage 0 breast cancer, is not life-threatening and...
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Life, interrupted
I’ve been feeling a bit back to normal, to Pre-Cancer life feelings. I have mostly forgotten that I had it and I have longer periods...
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When your body fails you or you fail your body
I’ve never been good at failing. In fact, for most of my life, I have been so afraid of mistakes (and ultimately failure) that it has...
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The before times….
I was chatting with a friend the other day about some of the things her family did for fun in “the before times…” and I immediately...
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I AM HERE
I recently started helping out at school. Right now, I’m just helping my son’s teacher with spending some extra time doing math literacy...
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Another test offered to raise my anxiety level
I got an email from my dentist about a new cancer screening procedure. I read it thoroughly, and am paraphrasing it here for you: Oral...
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Just eat the ice cream
As I get older, more and more people die, which makes sense, since we are all getting older. But cancer has spotted the losses in my life...
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When a Friend is Suffering
I have a friend who wasn’t acting herself. She was extra quiet, almost “soft”, if I may. She was acting mushier toward her children, more...
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Water, water everywhere, in many, many forms
I write this as it seems to be continuously raining at my house. Pacific Northwest Rainy Season. I just got back from walking my kids to...
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Back to 'Normal' or Next to It
We finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. This pandemic looks like it is nearing its transition to an endemic (oh please let...
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The scars fade
Once the cancer is gone the journey of recovery begins. There are finally hours in a day that I forget I had cancer. Recently, I had a...
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Survivor's Guilt
I have survivor’s guilt. Its more than that, though. I have guilt that I didn’t have a harder cancer – one that required radiation and...
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It's Another Anniversary
It's another Sunday on the calendar. I got up like usual, slid my slippers on and shuffled to the bathroom to start the day. Wandered...
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PTSD
I recently had an annual test done – a pap smear – which is a screening procedure that detects cervical cancer. It turns out that because...
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Out of Nowhere; It Seems Like it’s Everywhere
October 4th is a day, like most other days. Sometimes it’s a Monday, sometimes it’s a Thursday. It’s the day people are born. It is the...
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Breast Cancer Awareness Month: A Lesson by First Ladies
I am a historian by training. I follow several historical associations on social media. This can sometimes – honestly, most times- lead...
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Check Yourself
I know that for many, the pandemic is starting to wind down…. (here’s hoping for all of us soon)….so we can feel better about going back...
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A Blog about a Book
Its pretty rare I will throw a blatant sales pitch at anyone.....but here is my only one (promise)......I wrote a book about my journey...
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Those bra insert things......
For most of my life since puberty, these bra and bathing suit inserts have been in my life. It’s not a push up. It’s not really padding....
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Waiting to wait is the worst thing on earth
So we’ve been in a pandemic 18 months. Seems like years at this point, but it’s only been 18 months. And I don’t know this because I have...
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The Story of Bunbun
There is a little bunny, my kids call him Bunbun, who loves the grass in the backyard. This bunny also liked to bite off the white...
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It's all about control until it isn't
Control is something I struggle with a lot in life. I am not sure I noticed how much I struggle with needing to control something - not...
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I played the Cancer Card
......and I don't feel bad about it at all. I have been dealing with these constant heart palpitations since January. They landed me in...
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How are cows relaxing?
It was all unexpected - and yet totally expected. I ended up in the ER on Wednesday night with a racing heartbeat and irregular heart...
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Trying to find a distraction amid the chaos
Since this pandemic started, I think its safe to say we have all looked beyond our regular bag of tricks to find some different...
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Staring at a blank screen
I find myself staring at a blank screen. Ten minutes later, it's still blank. And ten minutes after that, still blank. It's not because I...
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"Can you squeeze this?"
On December 6th I started to feel some different things happening with my left implant. I was sore, it was less hard in some areas and it...
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Today was the day
I never paid attention to anniversaries until I had cancer. My husband and I can never remember if we got married in 2004 or 2005, and we...
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Gratitude
I have never been much for gratitude. Yes, there are things I am grateful for, my current health being one of them, but the practice of...
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Survivor's Guilt - in a pandemic
I would be lying if I said I was not a bit annoyed at watching friends and family travel to fun places, like a normal time, not during a...
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It's about comfort
Sometimes I just need comfort for no particular reason. I would love to say that this weekend I needed comfort for no particular reason,...
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Boobiversary
I woke up yesterday at 4am for no reason. It wasn't too hot. It wasn't too cold. No child needed blankets put back on or an extra...
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It happened all over again
Today and the past couple of days I have been reliving the trauma of my journey. I have a friend – we have become closer in the past few...
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Reflections on Saline
I do not hate them for what they are, but I hate them for what DCIS put me through, even though I realize I was damn lucky in a diagnosis...
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Chronic Threat Response
March 2019 was a month I could try to forget, but cannot. Just two months ago, I "celebrated" the anniversary of being diagnosed with...
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